So, although I'm a couple minutes after my self-imposed deadline, here is Part 2 of our epic Pop Music "Fantasy Draft," almost on time. This time we focus on the fellas. Again, if you missed the basic premise, here it is one more time:
You are a record exec and you have to sign two artists this year- one male solo artist and one female solo artist. Any and all acts are potential “free agents” who could be signed. Who do you pick and why? Rank your top ten choices for each gender from 10-1.
Feel free to comment tell me how awesome I am (disagreements not accepted). Here's the list:
10. T-Pain
This is not the most well-informed or well-researched choice, I admit. But the sheer number of songs that T-Pain appears on, whether or not they reach the Top 10 (which, by the way, there have been 14 of) indicates to me that T-Pain can be a good investment, if due only to his tireless work ethic. The more appearances he makes, the higher the likelihood of a hit, which means T-Pain is a pretty safe bet. Also he pioneered the use of Auto-Tune so I have to give props where they’re due.
9. Bruno Mars
A classic up-and-comer with one solo album, a few hit singles, and already an impressive number of featured appearances, Bruno Mars seems loaded with potential. He was also “loaded” with a charge of cocaine possession, but that’s another story for another time. Point is, this is a choice with a lot of upside, and Mars still has almost his whole career in front of him (which maximizes the amount of money he could make you) but because we have such a small sample size of material to work with thus far, we can’t say with lots of confidence that he’ll continue to be this successful. But his potential is strong enough to warrant a number 9 ranking.
8. Chris Brown
Two years ago, Chris Brown would have been in the Top 5 of this list. Six months ago, he would have been off the list. But despite his rather serious personal issues, he has managed to resurrect his music career, and has returned to the land of marketability. Brown possesses such talent and crossover appeal that he should be able to make people completely forget his troubles and continue buying his music, and concert tickets. As long as he can avoid another meltdown, his product is certainly good enough to make his record label boatloads of money.
7. Usher
Usher is pretty similar to Chris Brown, but different in a few key ways. First, he’s ten years older than Brown. Not good. Second, he’s much more emotionally stable. Very good. Third, he’s had a consistently successful career with few bumps in the road. Also good. So, although he has less time left in his “prime,” he goes one spot higher than Breezy because the rest of his career seems like more of a sure bet than Chris Brown.
6. Drake
Drake can do it all- sing, rap, dance…well, maybe not dance so much. But still, he can sing and rap and write his own rhymes, and he can headline a song or just do a guest spot, and he makes it all work. It’s not really fair to call Drake an up-and-comer at this point because he’s already so established, but he still isn’t quite as much an entrenched sure thing at this point as the guys in front of him. I’m still not certain that Drake can be his own self-sufficient act at this point; I think he needs help from too many other artists all the time to offset his sound. Nonetheless, he has an extremely bright present and future, so I have him as my sixth choice here.
5. Jay-Z
An artist like Jay-Z really tests the limits of my premise. If we look at him purely as a rapper, the signs look bleak- he’s 41 and he already “quit the game” once before returning. It’s hard to see him signing off on a five-album deal that brings in tens of millions for a record label. However, if we expand the premise to look at the industry-mogul side of Jay-Z, then we have to take him very seriously. I draw the line somewhere down the middle. I say we would stand to profit from some of Jay-Z’s nonmusical endeavors, like clothing lines or other brands, but not from his positions as head of Roc-a-Fella or Def Jam or the New Jersey Nets. Based on these guidelines, he comes in at number 5, but in actuality he could be pretty much anywhere on the list depending on what you choose to include for him.
4. Eminem
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| What an awesome old-school picture! |
This one’s a more straightforward option. Eminem sells truckloads of albums. He always has. If he wasn’t so old, he would probably be number one. But just like Jay-Z, his motivation to keep rapping has wavered at times, and he certainly finds himself on the brink of being past his prime or just tired of it all. But after the runaway success of his last album, Recovery, and his current venture Bad Meets Evil, with Royce da 5’9, I have to figure he’s got one or two monster albums/tours left in him that will leave my imaginary label flush with cash to go find the next Great White Hope.
3. Kanye West
Some people may be tempted to put Kanye West at number one, but those people are confusing musicianship and artistic integrity with sales appeal. Sure, Kanye is a gifted rapper and he sells a ton of records, but he doesn’t sell as many as the people above him, nor does he have the total package of album sales, singles sales, concert sales, and other merchandise and ventures to be the top choice.
2. Lil Wayne
Yes, Weezy was in jail for a good while. But rewind just a little further than that. His last album, Tha Carter III, was the top-selling album of 2008, selling over 3 million copies. Since then, he released an ill-fated rock album and an EP, both of which have sold remarkably well for what they are, and headlined a couple sold-out tours. After this government-induced hiatus, Wayne is coming back with Tha Carter IV, and if it’s as good as the last Carter (which I think it will be) it should outsell it. Lil Wayne has everything going for him at this point; he’s very versatile and can sell just about anything, and he’s only 28. The only reason he comes in second here is because of a certain invincible force in front of him…
1. Justin Bieber
Look, it’s not like I’m a Justin Bieber fan. And to be honest, I have my doubts about how well his act will carry over as he gets older and moves out of his adorable-shaggy-haired-teenager phase. But what I do know is that if I am a record executive and I have the option of signing any male solo artists and I pass up signing Bieber, I would look pretty damn stupid. His appeal with teenage girls and children, the most fanatic of all demographics, is unparalleled. He’s made so much money already, and he’s so young still, that I have to figure he’ll make me more in the future than anyone else on this list. In real life, I hope I’m wrong, because I can’t stand the guy. But for the purposes of this exercise, taking Justin Bieber as my male solo artist is an absolute must.
BIEBER?!?
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