London!

 
In honor of CMN moving to London, UK for the next four months (which means get prepared for even  fewer posts and even more remarkable lack of effort), today's song of the day is none other than Estelle's "American Boy."  Here's hoping my American charm can rub off on the lovely ladies of Great Britain, just like Kanye's did for Estelle.  They may not like my baggy jeans, but hey, they like what's underneath them...

Song Of The Day: Jay-Z & Kanye West- "Ni**as In Paris"

Obviously this is off Jay-Z and Kanye's huge combo album Watch The Throne.  What's weird is that such an anticipated album hasn't yet produced a transcendent single.  But this has certainly come the closest, and it's no surprise: it's one of the hardest-hitting songs on the album, and it features some inexplicable quotes from "Blades Of Glory," a movie I always meant to see but never actually saw.  But, goodness, is this song weird.  Jay and 'Ye have clearly decided they're above making sense, and now they just want to throw random crap into their songs and see if they catch on.  Well, congrats guys, 'cause so far from this album, you've got everyone talking about going HAM, and now everyone's saying "That shit cray."  Some people just know how to dominate culture, I guess.

Top 10 Songs Of The Summer

The sun may be setting on this summer, but pop music never stops......yikes, that is bad

HOLY CRAP WE’RE DOING SUMMER REVIEWS ALREADY???  Yes, school is starting again (for yours truly, essentially tomorrow) so somehow the time has come to look back into the deep recesses of the mind and select ten songs that appear to have stood out from the rest over the last few months.  This list is roughly chronological- don’t expect me to actually rank them because none of them are really good enough to be called "number 1."

Katy Perry feat. Kanye West- "E.T."

           

            This may just be the most ludicrous concept for a song I’ve ever heard.  It’s actually hard for me not to laugh when this song comes on.   It actually borders on creepy at times- “I’ma disrobe you, then I’ma probe you, see, I abducted you so I tell you what to do” is pretty much just Kanye West admitting to rape.  Nevertheless, this song was inescapable this summer and, to be honest, it was pretty catchy, so my gripes ring fairly hollow.

Jennifer Lopez feat. Pitbull- "On The Floor"

            The first time I heard J-Lo’s voice wafting over the airwaves this summer, I couldn’t believe my ears.  Then I heard Pitbull’s unmistakable grunts and I knew it was for real, she had returned to chart-topping with all the ingredients for success in 2011.  As J-Lo said, “It’s a new generation, of party people,” and they certainly got a reminder of why she’s one of the queens of getting you on the floor.

Adele- "Rolling In The Deep"

            I just wrote about “ADELE” yesterday, and you have ears, so you may not need me to tell you what a runaway success this song, and her album 21, have been this summer.  But it’s worth pointing out that this song spent seven weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 this summer, the most of any song this year, and according to Billboard, it’s the biggest crossover hit of the last 25 years.  No big deal or anything though.  Just some girl from England with a big voice.

Bruno Mars- "The Lazy Song"

            Has there been a more classic summer song released this year?  Name me one if you think it’s possible.  I sure as hell don’t think so.  The acoustic guitar, the whistles, and the subject matter all combine to make this an irresistible piece of pop, which is unfortunate because sometimes you really need to get something done, and then “The Lazy Song” comes on and, well, there goes all productivity for a little while.  Hopefully next year’s summer anthem will be called “Work Your Ass Off,” so our economy doesn’t grind to a halt again.

Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer- "Give Me Everything"

            Ah yes, Pitbull.  The king of making tracks that are mildly enjoyable but not good enough to download, and that get increasingly aggravating the more often you hear them until you realize you would be perfectly okay not hearing another Pitbull song for a few years.  Not that I feel that way about this song though.

LMFAO featuring Lauren Bennett and GoonRock- "Party Rock Anthem"

            Everyday I’m shufflin’!  What’s funny is that in a few years, nobody will remember why that line makes sense.  Which is too bad, because the first time I heard it, I thought it was genius.  In general, the rise of this song has been curious because the beat is so weak and uninspiring.  But good for LMFAO- they deserved a #1 hit and they sure did get one this time.

Nicki Minaj- "Super Bass"

            The all-out assault of Nicki Minaj on the music world was taken to a new intensity this summer when she dropped “Super Bass,” her biggest hit to date.  This lady never stops working, and it’s paying huge dividends for her now.  She’s already the biggest female hip-hop artist in years, and pretty soon she’s gonna be the biggest star in the world and we’ll be wondering how on Earth she managed to do it.

Katy Perry- "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)"

            I just did an in-depth piece about this song when it hit #1 last week (making it the fifth single off Teenage Dream to do so, which is, in short, historic), so I won’t rehash it all.  Let’s be real, though: you love this song.  Even though you probably want to hate it.  And that is exactly what I look for in a Song of the Summer, so you better believe it makes the list.

Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera- "Moves Like Jagger"

            I should probably make a list of “Best Songs of the Summer,” because that’s where this song really belongs.  Might even top the list, actually (it’s been a pretty weak summer).  But that’s not the point of this list, so instead I’ll just remark on its immediate rise to #1 and its subsequent charge back up the charts after a quick drop, a very rare feat.  I’ll also point out how its popularity seemed to correllate directly with its debut on “The Voice,” which proves the popularity of the NBC hit (could it challenge “American Idol?”  We’ll have to wait and see).

Hot Chelle Rae- "Tonight Tonight"

            Look, I know this is an absolute teenybopper fave jam.  I know I’m not supposed to enjoy songs like these- rather, I’m supposed to roll my eyes at the little girls who love it and profess my love for more “mature” music.  But guess what: if that was my mindset, why on Earth would I be writing this blog?  I refuse to grow up.  I like this song, and if that makes me essentially a “Musically Oblivious 8^th Grader,” so be it.  

 Like what you like, people.  Don’t have any reservations.  Have a good rest of the summer.  “Fall jams” are a little trickier to suss out, but I’ll do my best to get a list going for them too.

Pop Music "Fantasy Draft," Part 2- The Guys!

So, although I'm a couple minutes after my self-imposed deadline, here is Part 2 of our epic Pop Music "Fantasy Draft," almost on time.  This time we focus on the fellas.  Again, if you missed the basic premise, here it is one more time:

You are a record exec and you have to sign two artists this year- one male solo artist and one female solo artist.  Any and all acts are potential “free agents” who could be signed.  Who do you pick and why?  Rank your top ten choices for each gender from 10-1.  

Feel free to comment tell me how awesome I am (disagreements not accepted).  Here's the list:

10. T-Pain

This is not the most well-informed or well-researched choice, I admit.  But the sheer number of songs that T-Pain appears on, whether or not they reach the Top 10 (which, by the way, there have been 14 of) indicates to me that T-Pain can be a good investment, if due only to his tireless work ethic.  The more appearances he makes, the higher the likelihood of a hit, which means T-Pain is a pretty safe bet.  Also he pioneered the use of Auto-Tune so I have to give props where they’re due.

9. Bruno Mars

A classic up-and-comer with one solo album, a few hit singles, and already an impressive number of featured appearances, Bruno Mars seems loaded with potential.  He was also “loaded” with a charge of cocaine possession, but that’s another story for another time.  Point is, this is a choice with a lot of upside, and Mars still has almost his whole career in front of him (which maximizes the amount of money he could make you) but because we have such a small sample size of material to work with thus far, we can’t say with lots of confidence that he’ll continue to be this successful.  But his potential is strong enough to warrant a number 9 ranking.

8. Chris Brown

Two years ago, Chris Brown would have been in the Top 5 of this list.  Six months ago, he would have been off the list.  But despite his rather serious personal issues, he has managed to resurrect his music career, and has returned to the land of marketability.  Brown possesses such talent and crossover appeal that he should be able to make people completely forget his troubles and continue buying his music, and concert tickets.  As long as he can avoid another meltdown, his product is certainly good enough to make his record label boatloads of money.

7. Usher

Usher is pretty similar to Chris Brown, but different in a few key ways.  First, he’s ten years older than Brown.  Not good.  Second, he’s much more emotionally stable.  Very good.  Third, he’s had a consistently successful career with few bumps in the road.  Also good.  So, although he has less time left in his “prime,” he goes one spot higher than Breezy because the rest of his career seems like more of a sure bet than Chris Brown.

6. Drake

Drake can do it all- sing, rap, dance…well, maybe not dance so much.  But still, he can sing and rap and write his own rhymes, and he can headline a song or just do a guest spot, and he makes it all work.  It’s not really fair to call Drake an up-and-comer at this point because he’s already so established, but he still isn’t quite as much an entrenched sure thing at this point as the guys in front of him.  I’m still not certain that Drake can be his own self-sufficient act at this point; I think he needs help from too many other artists all the time to offset his sound.  Nonetheless, he has an extremely bright present and future, so I have him as my sixth choice here.

5. Jay-Z

An artist like Jay-Z really tests the limits of my premise.  If we look at him purely as a rapper, the signs look bleak- he’s 41 and he already “quit the game” once before returning.  It’s hard to see him signing off on a five-album deal that brings in tens of millions for a record label.  However, if we expand the premise to look at the industry-mogul side of Jay-Z, then we have to take him very seriously.  I draw the line somewhere down the middle.  I say we would stand to profit from some of Jay-Z’s nonmusical endeavors, like clothing lines or other brands, but not from his positions as head of Roc-a-Fella or Def Jam or the New Jersey Nets.  Based on these guidelines, he comes in at number 5, but in actuality he could be pretty much anywhere on the list depending on what you choose to include for him.

4. Eminem  

What an awesome old-school picture!

This one’s a more straightforward option.  Eminem sells truckloads of albums.  He always has.  If he wasn’t so old, he would probably be number one.  But just like Jay-Z, his motivation to keep rapping has wavered at times, and he certainly finds himself on the brink of being past his prime or just tired of it all.  But after the runaway success of his last album, Recovery, and his current venture Bad Meets Evil, with Royce da 5’9, I have to figure he’s got one or two monster albums/tours left in him that will leave my imaginary label flush with cash to go find the next Great White Hope.

3. Kanye West

Some people may be tempted to put Kanye West at number one, but those people are confusing musicianship and artistic integrity with sales appeal.  Sure, Kanye is a gifted rapper and he sells a ton of records, but he doesn’t sell as many as the people above him, nor does he have the total package of album sales, singles sales, concert sales, and other merchandise and ventures to be the top choice.

2. Lil Wayne

Yes, Weezy was in jail for a good while.  But rewind just a little further than that.  His last album, Tha Carter III, was the top-selling album of 2008, selling over 3 million copies.  Since then, he released an ill-fated rock album and an EP, both of which have sold remarkably well for what they are, and headlined a couple sold-out tours.  After this government-induced hiatus, Wayne is coming back with Tha Carter IV, and if it’s as good as the last Carter (which I think it will be) it should outsell it.  Lil Wayne has everything going for him at this point; he’s very versatile and can sell just about anything, and he’s only 28.  The only reason he comes in second here is because of a certain invincible force in front of him…

1. Justin Bieber

Look, it’s not like I’m a Justin Bieber fan.  And to be honest, I have my doubts about how well his act will carry over as he gets older and moves out of his adorable-shaggy-haired-teenager phase.  But what I do know is that if I am a record executive and I have the option of signing any male solo artists and I pass up signing Bieber, I would look pretty damn stupid.  His appeal with teenage girls and children, the most fanatic of all demographics, is unparalleled.  He’s made so much money already, and he’s so young still, that I have to figure he’ll make me more in the future than anyone else on this list.  In real life, I hope I’m wrong, because I can’t stand the guy.  But for the purposes of this exercise, taking Justin Bieber as my male solo artist is an absolute must.