Four years ago this spring, EDM superstar Avicii released his 2015 Ultra Promo Mix, which was a remastered, studio-quality version of the hourlong set he had performed at that years Ultra Music Festival in Miami. It was complete with fake audience cheers and a woman's voice every couple minutes that reminded you it was "Avicii, live from the main stage of Ultra!" The last 20 or so minutes contained the part that I was looking for, though: the teasers of all the new music Avicii had been working on and that would be released on his upcoming album, later titled Stories.
I was a 24-year-old recent grad, living with my parents, temping, trying to make a long-distance relationship work. I didn't have a lot going on in my life, and I was pretty aimless, trying to hang on to college days even as the world around me looked increasingly less like the one I had left behind 2 years prior. But that spring, I found a song about 48 minutes into the hour that promised that good days could still be ahead for me. That song was "Heaven," and though it was uncredited at the time, it clearly featured Coldplay's Chris Martin on vocals. It was vintage Avicii, and I couldn't wait for it to be released officially so that I could jam out when I heard it at bars, clubs, on the radio, and on my nascent Spotify account.
Needless to say, "Heaven" never got released as a single. I don't know why- other songs on the 2015 promo mix got released as singles, or as part of Stories. But "Heaven" never got its moment in the sun, so to speak. I slowly gave up hope. My life moved on, though. I moved out of my parents' house and in with my old college friends. I ended my long-distance relationship, tried to go out and have a good time and forget her. I applied to, and ultimately got into, a grad-school program. I finally finished temping, started "interning" again, and got myself into a new, short-distance relationship. I was on track to graduate my grad program and was starting to look into real, full-time jobs in the spring of 2018.
Periodically, though, I would still check in on "Heaven," though, and let it take me back to that time in my life when I was trying to figure myself out. There were various bootleg copies floating around on Youtube, and even as Avicii's sound took him away from that type of song, I still held out hope that maybe someday, as improbable as it sounded, it could get its own release. I sat in the airport, holding hands with my girlfriend as we waited for a flight to New Orleans for a long-weekend getaway, when I heard the news. Avicii was dead of a suicide at 28.
It's still the hardest celebrity death for me to cope with. Avicii was my life's soundtrack, more than anyone else. His music got me through the second half of college, and had been a reliable source of inspiration for me throughout my 20s. He was still releasing great music, and had his whole future ahead of him. At the same time, though, it felt like an era had ended. The era of carefree, feelgood mainstream EDM, if it was still kicking at all, felt like it was over. The part of my life where that was what I wanted to hear felt like it might be over too. It felt like I was destined to become the type of guy who only listens to stuff from "back in my day." And, of course, it meant I'd never get to hear an official version of "Heaven."
But life goes on, as it does. I wrapped up my Master's degree, got a job, moved in with my girlfriend, and made her my fiancee, set a wedding date (next June 6th). I turned 28 myself, and found plenty of other good music to listen to, even new stuff. But I couldn't let go of "Heaven," no matter what I did. Again, though, as I sat with my now-fiancee, waiting for a show to start, holding her hand, I got more news that I was never expecting: There would be one more Avicii album, coming out this June 6th.
I waited and waited, and sure enough, it was confirmed that "Heaven," miraculously, would indeed be on the new album, titled Tim. Finally, today rolled around, and I got to listen to it on Spotify, totally legally, for the first time.
It's been four years since I first heard "Heaven." My life has changed in so many ways since then. I was a lost kid, and now, I guess, I'm a reasonable approximation of a grown man. But I never lost that feeling. When Chris Martin started singing to me, I felt it just the same as I did four years ago. I couldn't help but smile, wipe away a tear, and tap my foot all at the same time. The fact that I'm getting married in exactly one year from the album's release date feels fitting. It'll help me always remember the day when I heard new Avicii music for the last time.
As for the rest of the album? It'll take more listens, but I don't think it's my favorite of Avicii's work. His style has changed a lot since 2015. But it barely matters. "Heaven" is on it, and my impossible dream somehow came true. If it doesn't go to #1 on the chart, I'll know that America's tastes aren't as good as mine, but either way, I get to enjoy it for the rest of my life, and that's all right with me. Long live Avicii, and long live "Heaven"- the eternal jam.
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